Hello Darling,
This email is coming to you a little later in process and growth than I anticipated. Things have been unfolding quickly for me the past few months!
I wanted to share in real-time as I'm moving through some big life changes because I wanted you to see how I move through it, how I navigate it as an embodied woman living from the womb, and want you to glean and learn whatever is there for you in my story and process. (As well as witness me in my humanity.)
I wanted to share my process with you and show up raw, authentic, and real, as much as feels within my boundaries in this space.
I want to honor myself, and the sacredness of this season I'm in. I think sometimes leaders can slip into one of two ditches: they either share too soon and miss the potency of what was meant only for them, and they unknowingly or mistakenly prostitute themselves out for the sake of helping, teaching, or leading others.
And then the other ditch is where they don't share about anything in real-time and only ever share anything once it's tied up in a neat little ribbon. And then people don't get to know the real you, or see your vulnerability, or your humanity. And there's this subtle feeling of mistrust because of the illusion that everything is fine when in reality things are really moving and shifting -- the oceans depths are opening up, and earthquakes are happening as the tectonic plates of your life are shifting. And all people see is this glassy water on the surface of your happy instagram photos and your, "here's what I learned last year" caption.
I'm really committed to the path of honesty, vulnerability, and intimacy but not at the expense of my sovereignty, sanctity, or my boundaries.
I haven't been hiding any of this from my audience and community, but instead I preserved it for you. I allowed myself to be fully in it, present with it myself, and in everything it had for me.
That said, I had intended to bring you into the journey a little earlier in process than I find myself today as I sit to write to you. But I trust that this timing is perfect, and that you will glean or learn what is there for you in my story as it is. And the truth is that whenever we share our lives in the public eye we open ourselves up to criticism, judgement, and projection, and it is perhaps best that I am in a more grounded and settled space now where I have more capacity to hold to my energetic boundaries.
Since last year, my partner, lover, and husband of ten years has been in a very loving, very intentional, very prayerful, uncoupling process with me.
Our process has been our own and has been very unique I have no doubt. We remained lovers all throughout the uncoupling and lovemaking was a very deeply intimate and vital part of the uncoupling experience and divorce. We continued living together in harmony during the entirety of the uncoupling and dissolution of the marriage, even after the filing and divorce proceedings. I posted a video to Instagram a little while ago of us getting some sun together on our dock. We were already uncoupled at that point and I reference it to illustrate the deep love and affection we still have between us.
During the past 6+ months we both experienced deep amounts of love, honor, truth, respect, sadness, celebration, and everything in between. And we created space for it to all belong. I wish that every couple could experience such a loving uncoupling but sadly many marriages do not experience the depth of what we have even in their marriage much less their divorce.
T and I played music, ate snacks, and helped each other fill out the divorce paperwork as if we were filling out papers to buy a home together. The day we filed, we went out for lunch and laughed and reminisced together. We continued to hold hands and each other for as long as we needed.
We felt ready to bring people into our process and uncoupling a few months ago and it’s taken us a little while to share with family and friends before sharing more widely! I also purchased a new-to-me car, and moved to Asheville, NC!! With so much unfolding and happening at once, I am a little more ahead of the process than I originally intended to be before sharing.
T will always be a part of my family and will be uncle to all of his nieces and nephews.
It’s been so important to me personally for this uncoupling to be THE MOST loving and honoring we could humanly and divinely manage to honor the love we shared the past ten years and to preserve the place he holds in my family. To rush or to allow our ego to run amuck I do believe could have prevented him from being close to my family in the future. We remain and will remain very good friends, how could we not! I vowed long ago to love him until death separates us and even though we released each other from those vows years ago before creating the container we lived within the past 5 years, I will still be loving him until death. The love has simply transformed and become something new.
There are no sides to take here. There is no "bad guy" and there was nothing that "happened." The most loving pathway ahead of us both was for us to part ways. And we do not pretend to know the future. Although I have fully released him for eternity, I consider it possible that our lives may intertwine again one day.
We both shared with each other 3 things we loved about each other and the decade of marriage we shared, the night before we parted ways and paths. One of the things he shared was that he was grateful for my openness towards him with my soft, open body and my soft, open heart no matter what he was bringing to the relationship, and no matter the transition we found ourselves in.
My darling, this is a testament to the depth of inner work and healing that I have experienced over the years, because 6 years ago he would not have been able to say that.
I am sure you have questions, so I will wait until you have time to digest and respond to this email before I share more about the uncoupling. My 1:1 clients were the first clients & community members to know and as email subscribers, you're finding out before social media but I'll be sharing in the next few days on my Instagram.
I have relocated to Asheville, NC for the foreseeable future! I am house/pet sitting in exchange for lodging right now as I get to know the area and find my way around. I received the word, "mountains" in my spirit last autumn and that is how I have found myself here. I don't know for certain if this area is what "mountains" meant but I am trusting that will be made clear to me. I am LOVING Asheville, and the surrounding areas. It felt like coming home as I drove up through the mountains to my first pet/home sit arrangement.
God has been loving me SO WELL through men throughout my entire experience uncoupling and moving to Asheville. The transition from married woman to single woman has been so smooth and easy, I almost hesitate to share because I know that for so many women the uncoupling/divorce process is much different. My experience and story is that it's been ease and peace filled, and that men have stepped into my life everywhere I go to support me. I find myself neither lonely nor desperate.
I sit on a wide porch north of Asheville this afternoon writing this email, as the breeze blows across the yard in the trees, the two dogs I'm pet-sitting lay next to me on the floor, music plays softly in the background, and I am about to prepare for my evening dinner date with a very masculine man I met last week.
My cancer symptoms have been less intense the past week and I haven't been this pain-free since last year. I'm excited to create and put out some new offers, and dive back into work now that I've become more settled here.
Is life perfect? No, far from it. I'm currently in debt, and quite broke to be honest. Financially, moving to Asheville couldn't have happened at a worse time. But the way of the womb is mysterious my love. We walk by faith not by numbers. I'm in the second home I've house/pet sat for during my time here in Asheville and I find that everything I need is provided for me, everywhere I go.
Living life as an embodied woman doesn't mean your life becomes magically, practically perfect in every way like Mary Poppins. It means you are able to be fully present with life as it happens FOR you. It means that you're able to take each step knowing you're so held, and that it's the direction you're being led to go. It means you embody an integration of masculine and feminine energies to the extent you know that you've got you, AND you're soft and receptive and allow life and God to love you, woo you, and provide for you. It's being your own mother and father and yet also allowing the Divine Feminine and Masculine to mother and father you. It's about being your own best lover, and allowing God, and life, to open us.
More to share soon, my darling. For now, I must go get ready for tonight's dinner date. He will be here exactly when he said he will be. And I won't make him wait. (Yes, I've been on the dating scene for a few months now and I cannot wait to share with you how beautiful and God-led this experience has been!)
In service to the Divine Feminine & The Womb,
Amanda
