5 signs you may be "sabotaging" your relationship:
Sign #1:
You often find yourself striving to be “right” in the conversation or disagreement, instead of deeply listening with curiosity for the unmet needs your partner may be expressing. You may find yourself getting defensive before your partner fully voices their criticism, complaint, or feedback.
You may feel that there are only two options: either they are “right” and you’re “wrong,” or you are “right” and they’re “wrong.”
This can also apply to feeling crazy: “I’m not crazy so they must be!”
Sign #2
You often find yourself in a shame spiral.
You may believe that your needs don’t matter, but everyone else’s do. You often prioritize others needs above your own, and may even tend to neglect your most basic human needs.
You confuse guilt with shame, and may often feel that you are the problem instead of the negative or survival behavior patterns in your life. You may secretly wonder if everyone else can see what’s wrong with you, but you can’t.
Sign #3:
You may observe yourself withdrawing, or shutting down emotionally even when you don’t want to.
Your partner may say things like, “Where are you? Where did you go?” and express that they think that you emotionally abandon them.
You may often feel emotionally exhausted, overwhelmed, or numb. You may see emotions as “weakness” and may even feel low key disgust for people who openly emote. (This could be disguised as judgement or criticism of emotional displays, your own or others'.)
Sign #4:
You may often feel suffocated by the relationship, and feel like you have no control over your own life, or you fear being controlled.
You find yourself doing things out of “rebellion” against your partner, or being brash and reckless in an effort to not be controlled.
You may think you only have two choices: give in and be a doormat, or rebel and be a b*tch/a$$hole.
You may struggle with resentment or blaming your partner for your frustrations and pain.
Sign #5:
You may find yourself in a good place in your life, with few struggles of your own, but if only your partner would just...........(fill in the blank.)
You may tend to compare your partner to others, or wish your partner were more like someone else. You may hear yourself telling them that they’re not “masculine” or “feminine” enough or .......... (fill in the blank) enough.
You may tend towards judgement and criticism, and you may have very strong opinions about your ability to “see” people or “read” people. You may often feel “fine,” and may have very little self awareness of the way your actions or moods impact those around you.
Why do we sabotage our relationships?
If we truly desire love, connection, and intimacy why do we drive it away? What if I told you that you're not really sabotaging your relationship, and that you're actually deeply trustworthy?
If someone threatened to slash my tires the moment I turned my back, they're the last person I would take on a road trip with me.
If someone threatened to rob my safe the moment I turned my back, they're the last person I would invite to house-sit for me.
If someone threatened to ruin my dream relationship/job/opportunity the moment I exhaled and relaxed my guard, they're the last person I would trust to manage my life.
And yet this is the way we live when we believe in self sabotage: I believe that at any moment, I could ruin everything I ever wanted AKA "self sabotage rears its ugly head." And I'm somehow supposed to trust myself to go for my dreams or trust my desires?
It's just not going to work.
Teaching someone to deeply mistrust themselves when it matters most is a great way to keep them outsourcing their power, and to view themselves as broken in need of fixing.
And that's what we teach ourselves when we adhere to the belief in self sabotage.
What if you were actually, truly, deeply trustworthy?
How would your life change right now if you eradicated the belief in self sabotage, and chose to trust yourself?
BUT AMANDA! You JUST gave me 5 examples of sabotaging my relationship, right?!
That was sneaky of me, wasn't it? 😇
These are all actually examples of what it may look like when our inner wounded child (or wounded maiden) is managing our role in our relationship.
When our needs go unmet in childhood, we learn strategies to get our needs met to help us survive and we create stories around the pain we experience when our needs are unmet. These are the triggers that our partners tend to trigger in us the most. The core wounds or unmet needs of childhood.
These stories and strategies we take with us into our relationships often dictate who we choose as a partner. We are seemingly subconsciously looking for someone who matches us in their wounds and in their wholeness. Someone who can trigger us where it hurts the most so that we can be loved in the place we believed we were unlovable.
These strategies we learned in childhood to meet our needs are pro-survival but anti-relational. They manifest in our lives in many ways, and one of the labels we tend to slap on these is: "self sabotage."
Feminine embodiment, sensuality, polarity, sacred union, and sex are sexy topics (that I love) but beneath these lies the root of the issues preventing us from experiencing the intimacy we crave. (Intimacy with ourselves, and with our partners.)
If you recognize one or more of the patterns I mentioned above within yourself or your relationship dynamic, it doesn’t mean the relationship needs to end. But it does mean that unless there is an end to employing these anti-relational survival strategies to get your needs met, you will not get to experience the intimacy and sacred union you long for.
Survival suffocates intimacy in relationships.
The survival strategies we learned as children oppose the intimacy we desire as adults. To experience relational intimacy, we need to learn new strategies for thriving.
That's why I'm hosting a FREE 2 Day Masterclass called:
Threshold. (and it starts today IN ONE HOUR! eep! at 4pm EST! but don't worry, replays are sent out to all who register if it's too last minute for you to attend live today!)
We are unwinding the SURVIVAL STRATEGIES
of our great-grandmothers and claiming the INTIMACY, RADIANCE, TRUST, PLEASURE, & BLISS they paved the way for.
We are the torchbearers crossing new thresholds and creating a NEW LEGACY for our lineage.
Creating a new legacy requires you to leave something behind before you can go all the way through into what lies beyond the threshold. You can't have one foot on one side of the threshold, and one on the other side. You have to be all in, and you have to be willing to let the "old you" dissolve as you become who you always were all along, beneath the layers of who you were told to be.
The threshold is where we experience the most resistance.
The threshold is where we experience the most fear.
The threshold is the place of most risk.
It's a pivotal moment in your journey, and although there is no way to get it wrong (wether you cross or you stay) the choices you make here will impact your future and the trajectory of your life beyond the threshold.
Thresholds are a place of choice, and decision.
They are where you hone your voice, and precision.
Brave action is needed at the threshold and that's what I am here to help equip you for. This masterclass is to help give you the tools you need to cross the threshold, step out into the unknown, slip into the primordial waters of the cocoon, and allow yourself to be stripped down to your bare feminine essence.
In this masterclass, I unveil some of the foundational secrets to thriving that I share with my clients, after they have hired me. I'm sharing this with you for FREE to help you cut through months of time and heartache stuck in old patterns of relating to yourself, to others, to God, and to life.
Why?
Because if you know these secrets before you hire your next coach, mentor, or therapist (or before you pick up your next spiritual self-help book), you're less likely to find yourself giving up right at the threshold of breakthrough.
Because if you know these secrets, you will be set up for success and thriving in your relationship to yourself, and to others. It's like knowing who the murderer is when you sit down with a bucket of popcorn to watch a new murder mystery movie. The clues start making so much more sense as you move from one life dilemma to the next with more clarity, confidence, and trust than before.
if you are are all in and willing to let the "old you" dissolve, and life as you have known it, as you become who you always were all along beneath the layers of who they told you to be, and your adaptive inner child's survival strategies...join us for this two day experiential masterclass as I unveil the secrets necessary for life beyond the THRESHOLD.
Tap the button below to register for the masterclass:
The Details
Tuesday, February 27th at 4pm EST
Wednesday, February 28th at 6pm EST
BONUS CALL: Thursday, February 29th 2:00pm EST
The masterclass will be held via private Zoom meeting room, and access to the replay of the masterclass (all sessions) will be sent out to all registrants within 24 hours.
The LIVE somatic womb practice will not be included in the recording and is only available to LIVE participants.
This is for you if any of the below resonate....
- You struggle with imposter syndrome, people pleasing, self sabotage, codependent tendencies, or attachment issues.
- You are new to the concept of your womb as a portal for healing.
- You’re doing womb and yoni work, or actively breaking chains and old paradigms, but you’ve hit a plateau or you keep hitting the same blocks over and over.
- You are ready to step into Sacred Union in your relationship but you keep experiencing the same triggers over and over...and you're not sure if it's them or you who is the issue.
- Sex and pleasure are a pain point in your relationship but you're pretty sure sex isn't the *real* problem.
- You are feeling called to root into the foundational work of speaking your truth in love, upholding loving boundaries, being fierce in your integrity to self, and inner child healing.
- You've been told that you're "too in your masculine," or that you need to be "more in your feminine."
- You feel drawn to working with the womb, and you wonder if your yoni holds more for you than just birthing babies and giving you orgasms.
- You are ready to heal your wounded Maiden, be initiated into healthy maidenhood, and explore more expressions of The Divine Feminine.
Tap this button (below) to visit the beautiful landing page and read more details...and then register:
